


Infirmitas

by Satoru0829



Category: UQ Holder!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Gen, Hugs, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Shippy Gen, idk honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-07 18:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12237999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satoru0829/pseuds/Satoru0829
Summary: When Kuroumaru wakes up from a nightmare involving Touta, he tries to keep it a secret from his best friend. However, Touta notices that something is wrong...





	Infirmitas

**Author's Note:**

> My English and my writing skills are probably both equally rusty, so you've been warned |D Also probably slight OOC because uhh... yeah, character portrayal is hard.  
> I hope you're going to enjoy this anyways~

_Kuroumaru knew Touta had said something to him before turning his back on him. But it felt like a fog was covering his mind; no matter how hard he tried to think about it, the memories always slipped away from him._

_“Touta-kun?”_

_Kuroumaru's voice sounded strange to himself when he said his friend's name. Hoarse and distant, as if he wasn't even the one who was talking._

_Touta turned back around to face him. The expression in his eyes looked so unfamiliar, as if he had become a different person. “What? You should know by now that you're useless to me, right?” The lightness in his voice, the friendliness that he always greeted people with, was gone. “I'm not gonna repeat this again.”_

_Kuroumaru felt something inside him falling to pieces when he heard those words. “B-but...” He had to take a deep breath before finishing his sentence. “Didn't you say that... you'd stay by my side?”_

_“Yeah, I guess.” Touta shrugged. “But c'mon, that was like ages ago. It's time to move on.” He turned away again, slowly leaving behind who was once his comrade. “You're really just way too weak to be with me, so why should I bother? Go back to your clan or whatever. I don't care anyway.”_

_Kuroumaru wanted to follow him. He wanted to follow him and ask him why he, out of all people, suddenly broke his promise. But he couldn't. His body couldn't seem to move. He just stayed where he was, silently watching the person who meant the most to him walk away. Abandoning him. Just like everyone before._

 

Kuroumaru jolted awake, his gaze met by the darkness of the night. Everything was fine, he was in his room with Touta at the UQ Holder headquarters... He knew that. But still, his dream remained present to him. It had felt so … real. And what if it did turn out to be true? He had never been really helpful to Touta, so it wouldn't be surprising... After all, Touta had so many better friends than him.

The young swordsman felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, making him quickly bury his face in his pillow to silence any sobs that were possibly about to come out. He was so weak, letting a dream influence him like this. It was just a dream. It would never happen in real life. Never.

“Touta-kun...,” he whispered into the silence of the room, more subconsciously than anything else. Why though? Why did this exact dream hit him so badly? The scene kept replaying in his head, and it didn't get any less painful. Touta's cold voice telling him how useless he was. The pain he felt in his chest because he knew Touta was right.

Kuroumaru heard bedsheets rustling below him and he mentally cursed himself for not just crying silently. His breathing was still going way too quickly, he noticed, trying desperately to calm himself down so that he wouldn't wake up his companion.

“Kuroumaru...?,” Touta's sleepy voice came up from below. “What's going on?”

Fuck.

Kuroumaru took a deep, yet still shaky breath, hoping his voice wouldn't give away how he felt. “Nothing,” he answered, glad to hear that he sounded about as composed as he normally did.

However, the feeling of relief faded immediately when he heard how Touta quietly got up, climbing up the ladder to his bed. Kuroumaru tensed up, feeling the mattress sink slightly as his companion sat down next to him. “You sure 'bout that?,” Touta asked from the darkness, his voice slurred with sleepiness.

Out of instinct, Kuroumaru sat up as well, trying not to think about how badly he just wanted to hug the other boy and assure himself that he was there and he would still be in the future. He turned his face away from Touta despite the darkness. “Sure, I'm okay.” The lie felt painfully easy. He had already spent most of his life distancing himself from people, no matter who it was, in favor of not making anybody hate him even more than they already did.

Silence took over, with what sounded like a sigh coming from Touta. Did he know? Kuroumaru shifted uncomfortably at that thought. “Touta-kun, you can go back to sleep, okay? I'm … a bit stiff from training, that's all, really.”

“Yeah right.” Sheets rustled as Touta also changed his position, his hand just lightly brushing against Kuroumaru's.

That did it. It was a really simple gesture, probably not even an intentional one, but Kuroumaru felt like it was all he needed to know that Touta cared about him. Before he could hold back or even just figure out why he was crying, the tears started pouring down his cheeks.

As if he had sensed something, Touta casually wrapped his arm around Kuroumaru's shoulders. At first, the latter somewhat automatically tensed up, but eventually, he couldn't exactly keep himself from giving in either.

It felt awkward when he silently wrapped his arms around Touta, and he was pretty sure that his face was bright red at this point, but in that exact moment, he just wanted to be close to his friend so much more than ever before.

“You're so bad at lying,” Touta mumbled, gently leaning into Kuroumaru's hug and offering him the shoulder he so desperately needed to cry on.

Kuroumaru buried his face in Touta's shirt and inhaled his smell with shaky breaths, trying to calm himself down. He thought he felt a hand soothingly rubbing his back, but maybe it was just his wishful thinking... Either way, it was comforting to think that Touta would be there as his best friend for just a little longer.

Neither of them kept track of how much time passed in which they just sat there together in silence, but it didn't really seem to matter either. After a while, Kuroumaru let go of Touta and rubbed his eyes, the familiar dizziness that comes after a while of crying slowly taking over him.

“You better?,” Touta asked, just a slight hint of unusual concern still audible in his voice.

“Yeah.” Kuroumaru smiled, despite being well aware of the fact that it was still hidden by the darkness. “All better now.”

He felt how Touta got up beside him, yawning. “'Kay, then I'm gonna go back to bed. Night,” he muttered, already climbing down the ladder.

Listening to the quiet creaking of the mattress below him as the younger male shifted back under his sheets, Kuroumaru felt his heartbeat slowly returning to its normal rhythm. “Good night, Touta-kun,” he replied into the darkness, laying back down and closing his eyes. “And thank you.”


End file.
